By: Alexandra Chacon / Mom’s Self-Care Retreat Organizer
Being your family’s primary caregiver is a challenging but extremely rewarding job. It can be incredibly fulfilling to witness your relationships’ growth amongst your spouse & children however, as rewarding as it may be, it can also feel exhausting and isolating at times. One of the most important things you can do for yourself (& your family) as a devoted caregiver is to make time for yourself before letting the dust of guilt, shame, and resentment settle in.
Why is time to yourself so important?
There are many reasons why it’s important for you as your family’s primary caregiver to make time for yourself.
First, it’s essential for your mental and emotional health. When you constantly feel like there’s never enough time in the day, your own needs begin retreating to the very last spot on your “priorities list.” The less time you make for yourself, the more likely you are to feel overwhelmed, stressed, and resentful towards your family’s inability to see a problem that you’re too busy to speak-up about. “Mother’s Guilt” is a one-way ticket to neglecting your own needs altogether, which can lead to burnout, and involuntarily short-tempered outbursts directed towards the people you love most – your family.
Second, having time to yourself can help boost your confidence, patience, and understanding allowing a more soft & nurturing yet, assertive approach to caregiving. When you’re feeling refreshed and recharged, you’re better able to regulate your own emotions & feelings allowing the gift of unconditional presence towards your children & spouse. You’re also more likely to have the energy to be creative & fully engage in activities with your family that they enjoy.
Finally, having time to yourself can help you to connect with your spouse or partner. When you’re both feeling stressed and overwhelmed, it can be difficult to connect with each other on even the most basic of levels. But, when you both actively make time for yourselves & each-other, you welcome the space required to genuinely relax and reconnect. This alone can help to strengthen your relationship and make it more fulfilling which in return will enhance your ability to be the calm, wise, and nurturing caregiver that you’ve longed to be.
How to find time to yourself
Finding time to yourself as your family’s primary caregiver can be challenging, but it’s definitely possible. Here are a few tips & tricks along with online & in-person communities that have personality helped me while on this beautiful journey of a devoted mother:
- Delegate tasks: If you have supportive adults in your life, such as a spouse/partner, grandparents, or close friends, don’t be afraid to ask for help. These people love you & they want to help, so don’t feel ashamed for accepting it. If you have children 3yrs or older, start them off small with simple tasks such as feeding the dog, putting the dishes away, or packing their own lunch. By loosening your grip on “Control” & allowing your children a sense of responsibility, you also allow them a profound sense of freedom which will only deepen your connection with them as a parent. Here is a great book about delegating tasks within your household —-> The Life-Changing Magic
- Follow Online Content that Reflects the Type of Caregiver you want to be: It can be easy to fall into the habit of “mindless scrolling.” At times, 30mins of mindless scrolling can feel like the only “me time” you have. With the inevitable temptations that technology presents, I recommend a more purposeful approach by choosing to intake information that benefits the lifestyle you want. Meaning, if you want to become the best caregiver you can possibly be, make sure you’re following online content that reflects that goal. Here is one of my favorite instagram pages to follow —-> Amber Fillerup
- Don’t be Afraid to do Things, Alone: It can feel daunting to try something new all by yourself. You may feel tempted to reach out to a sibling, relative, or friend only to be met with the discouraging words of “sorry I can’t, I am busy.” Which can oftentimes lead to setting your “me-time” on the back burner (again.) This is when I would encourage you to not be afraid to try something new, alone. Social sites such as Facebook Events & Eventbrite are both great places to search for online & local in-person events surrounding any hobbies you might be interested in. There are TONS of “beginners” classes & events so, don’t be afraid to start somewhere (anywhere, lol.) Remember, the fun part about this exclusively being YOUR “me-time” is that you can always change your mind. You can always look for a different class/instructor until you find the one(s) that FEEL the most comfortable, relaxing, and encouraging to you. ❤️
It’s important to treat your “me-time” as a planned event instead of an emergency evacuation. Find what, when, and where works best for you. There is no “rule book” for you to follow aside from your own curiosity to learn more about yourself. The goal here is to make sure you’re setting respectful boundaries by taking care of yourself. When you’re happy and healthy, you no longer feel the need to put that amount of responsibility on your family.
I hope this information has been helpful! This is just one of the many topics we will be discussing during our Nov. 2023 Mom’s Self-Care Retreat out of Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. For more information, feel free to email us at womanscretreat@gmail.com.